"Now just to be safe practical oral sex.
I talk about it and just"
(Andreas Schon)
Great wedding party in the living room of an eighteenth century villa.
After a fine feast open dancing, an orchestra playing romantic music and engaging. A very shy boy, sitting on the sidelines, she notices a beautiful girl sitting across the room, after many hesitations decided it was time to go for broke and groped to invite her to dance with him.
Taking advantage of the interval between tracks and the other across the room trying not to get noticed, approached the girl, clears his throat and whispers
"Sorry to bother you, long time I'm watching you and me really like: would you give me the next dance? ".
Against all reasonable expectation, she goes on a rampage and start shouting:
"sooo?? But how dare you?? We have never seen before, do not show up either and I wonder now if I want to sleep with you ????".
Immediately the attention of the room moves on the boy who blushes to glow, not even dare ask for an explanation but, ashamed, returns to his seat trying to blend in with the surrounding furniture.
After a couple of minutes, the girl across the room and takes the boy approached him and whispered in his ear:
"I'm sorry for the reaction that I had before: you know, I am a student in psychology, I am graduate with a thesis on shyness and embarrassment, and I thought of using the I was offered by this party to do some 'field research. I am sorry that he has borne the brunt of it is you. "
And boy, screaming in the general silence:
" Are you crazy?? Cent € for a blowjob ?????"
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While her husband is already in bed , the wife is still in the bathroom to get a bidet. After a while, 'as she arrives, he immediately asks her to make love.
`But she refused:" No. I have to stay clean. Tomorrow I have an appointment with the gynecologist. "Her husband seems resigned, but after a while, 'he asks:" It is not by chance that also the dentist appointment you tomorrow? "
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A bunny is in the woods and wants to have sex.
Then go to a brothel for animals.
the hippo's recommended twelve room, where else is the Cobra, the most slutty of them all.
He goes, knocks, the Cobra sees it and eats it.
After some thought the Cobra, "but it was a customer or dinner?"
Obsessed with this doubt call the hippo says,
"was a customer! Spit it out now that has not yet paid! "
The Cobra then try to spit it out, when it finally succeeds,
save bunny, all wet and bewildered, she combs her hair and says,
"EU, with blowjobs go slowly!"
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A policeman on the bike chasing a Porsche convertible, driven by a blonde who is wrong all the curves . The policeman
speeds up, the tops, and waves him to stop. The cop gets out and approaches the car.
- Miss, but it seems that the way to drive?
- Ohh I'm sorry! I'm so careless ... is the fourth time I stop, you know?! I am a dancer of Channel 5, I did the auditions for Big Brother ...
- Ok, ok, I do not interesting ... give me your license!
- Ohh the license, you ... then ... here it is ...
- No, miss, that is the identity card. The license is pink, and it is required to guide ...
- Uffiii ... do not do that! Blimey! Where did I put it? The blonde
down the whole bag on the seat and starts searching ...
- There it is! It 's this true? Sa, is the fourth time I stop this morning, e. ..
- Yeah, yeah, ok. Give me your license, please.
The cop opens the license, and says
- Venus?!? Her name is Venus?
- Siiiii recognized me? I am a dancer Channel 5, I made the Snakes and Velina ...
- Ok, ok, give me the book please?
- Ohhh my god, the book ... the book ... Here he is this here?
- No, Miss Venus, that is a brochure of fashion, the book is blue, and contains the data that drives the machine ...
- Damn that nerves, where I put it?!? It 's the fourth time I stop this morning, you know? And 'this here book?
- Yes, that is ... I pass ...
The policeman takes the license and the book and leaves to do the check on the radio.
- Hello Central? I stopped a blonde, half rintontita, with Porsche, which is called ... Venus ... From Central
ready answer:
- Venus?? Have you stopped Venus?? The dancer? To Channel 5?
- Yes, she, you know? Step.
- You're the fourth to the firm this morning! That's crazy! It 's too stupid!
- Yeah, well ... I noticed ... So what?
- Then you must go to her, you get to the window and then pull it out!
- Central! But are you crazy? The one complaint I!
- Go quiet, trust me, go to her and pull out ... trust me ...
The cop thinks it over. It did not take anyone, the lady is waiting in the car.
- Ok, center, I try, but if I complaint ...
- What do you mean?!? It 's too stupid! Go, go!
The cop approaches the car ... see the girl who says
- Why look at me? Are there problems?
Then the policeman, having sighed, loose pants and pulls out. The girl surprise
- Oohhh can not believe it! Another time the alcohol test ...
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Two friends meet by chance on the street: "Well, Louise, I knew that you were able
to convince Charles to marry. " "It '...
but I knew what I had to swallow "
--------------------
During the cold war, the delegation of the Congo, was pro-Communist,
went to the Soviet Union in diplomatic visit.
Delegates Africans are brought around as long as Moscow 'come at a nightclub
where some people are pointing a gun to his head.
Then ask, "Gosa Guello be?".
"This is' our national sport: Russian roulette!
Take a gun, loads, all shots are blanks, but one ".
Delegates are fascinated cruelty 'of the game and finished
visit, returning to Congo.
afterwards, and the Russian delegation that travels to the Congo.
are also brought them around to see the local sights, and eventually are taken to a hut.
The African chief says, "in Guest gapanna sbort us keep our national
" roulette Gong. "
The Russian delegates come in and rubbed my eyes:
the hut and 'full of beautiful naked women . Beautiful, but how do you play? ".
" Dudde Guesde Bombini women do, but be gannibale! ".
Some basic rules of oral sex
- are not required to do so.
- If you get one, be grateful. Corollary: If you get one does not mean it will become a habit
- I do not care what you see in porn movies, come on someone's face is not 'a standard practice. Corollary: Do not have to swallow.
- My ears are not handles. Extension - do not push me on the head, I do not feel it in my throat. And then you will not want to vomit on us!
- I do not care what you relax, fart I do not think a fine thing.
- When I have my own things, and that does not mean 'a week of sales. I feel like shit and are not obligated to just suck 'cause we can not get laid.
- If I have to pause to remove hair from the throat, do not tell me I've ruined everything.
- Leaving me in bed after you came and go immediately to play video games and 'highly inadvisable if you want to do it again in the future.
- If you like I do, and probably 'better not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Enjoy the moment and be happy that we're 'well.
- Your "seed" did not particularly taste good. And do not try to convince me of its high protein content.
- not do it 'and never watch TV'.
- Just because 'and' right when you wake up does not mean I have to give him the "kiss hello".
- The oral sex is mutual, if you want to convince me to lick it before you you have to lick me.
- Then do not complain when you kiss me if you feel the smell of your semen.
- If I enter everything in their mouths is not because my mouth is great but ...
Story of a trade
In the Middle Ages, the life expectancy of men was 40-45 years and the social and health care non-existent. When a man died, to certify the death, was called the "doctor" to verify that the actual death, the deceased used to inflict pain and the most commonly used at that time was a powerful bite inflicted on toes (almost always the big toe).
In the dialect of the populace, the doctor took it the nickname "sexton." This practice gave rise to a real job.
the tradition says that the profession was passed down from father to eldest son but in the late Middle Ages, something happened that changed the future of the sexton. One of the most famous sexton could not conceive a son, his wife gave birth to four daughters. The sexton, to prevent the extinction of the trade, the church asked for a dispensation to pass the job to his daughter, who later, having received the blessing, he began his work as a gravedigger. It so happened that his first death was a man who had cut a wagon, both legs and the girl undecided about where to inflict the bite, finally made a decision ....
This led to the modern funeral home.
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